This is a happy and sad month for the Hosking family..I decided to start a blog, in order to just talk and get things off my chest.
3 years ago our healthy full term baby boy was born via C-section on January 10th. His due date was January 20th, but he wanted to meet his mommy and daddy sooner then that!
Fast forward 3 years, and his birthday came and went....His brand new baby sister was due in May, and Elijah was SO excited to be a big brother!
I went in for a routine follow up ultrasound on January 18th, and that is when our innocence was lost. Our little baby girl had no heart beat. We had no idea when she had passed or how. A week earlier she had a strong heart beat at the OB office, so this was a SHOCK to say the least. I had NO signs that this was happening inside me. No cramping, no bleeding, no anything...
Long story shirt, Kinley was born on her big brother's original due date 3 year later. Her cord was wrapped tightly around her neck, so that is the perliminary reason she passed, but we decided to get an autopsy just to see if there was anything else that caused this. We also would like to know if there is anything we can do to prevent this next time.
I go to the doctor's tomorrow and I hope to get some more answers. We are going to start trying as soon as we can for another healthy baby born alive into this world.
This event has made our family bond even closer, and know we know how much we love each other and truly want another little Hosking in this world.
I know in my heart Kinley will be watching over me and my future children. There is a reason this happened, but I have just yet to figure it out. I have my hard times, but I am doing really good...You never know how strong you are until you go through something like this. I never thought I would be able to handle something like this, but I did.
Thank you to everyone that has sent cards, flowers, ect. It means a lot. I know there is nothing to say or do, but knowing so many people love us is enough to keep us going. Also, know that I am ok, I am not going to hate babies or pregnant people. I know how much of an excitement and blessing it is to be pregnant. I have done it all before and will do it all again. If I feel like talking about Kinley, I will. If I don't feel like talking about it/her, I won't. Please respect my wishes!
"I wish everyone knew that us mommies who lose our babies carry them with us everywhere we go...for the rest of our lives...and to say we are changed...is putting it rather lightly."
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I know you don't know me very well, but I just wanted to say how sorry I am for the loss of your daughter. We also lost a daughter at 13 weeks, our first pregnancy. Same sort of thing, routine visit and no heartbeat. I never thought I would survive something like that either, but here we are almost 2 years later with a healthy little boy. I am praying for your family and I know God is going to bless you!
ReplyDeleteThanks Tina! I know in my heart he will too...I am sure if you hadn't lost your daughter, you wouldn't have Judah. That is what I keep thinking...I won't have her little brother or sister if I hadn't lost her....Having faith!xoxo
ReplyDeleteI know it was the hardest post I ever put on my blog. It took me a few hours I think to write it, because every new sentence made me cry. It really was a relief to write it out mostly as my own online journal, but for others to read too. Hope everything went well at your doctor appointment. Let us know what they said.
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to say that I really like the quote you have at the end of your post. Can I steal it? ;)
ReplyDeleteMeredith